A Great Lesson I Learned From My Parents

We were sitting at a table eating lunch at a restaurant on Portage Lakes when my mom and my stepdad told me that they were thinking about moving to another city.

I was 10.

They made a pro's and con's list with me and helped me to process through the decision.  We talked about everything...  They helped me to think through what it would mean to change school's, homes, neighborhoods and friends. 

For an adult, a move and a few changes is not that big of a deal.  For a 10 year old kid, it's practically the end of the world. 

The way they handled that situation taught me a ton. 

1) They put themselves in my shoes and recognized that this was going to have a big impact on me.

2) They cared about my ownership of the decision.

3) They chose to lead me through a discovery process that helped me to have confidence and excitement for, what would normally be, a pretty scary decision.  

They could have just told me what was going to happen.
They could have demanded that I accept the decision. 

Instead, they stopped to listen to me and help me process through it.

This simple conversation taught me a lot about how to communicate and help those closest to me process through changes. Thanks for the education, Mom & Dad!

Ryan

A Few Ways to Protect Our Marriages

There isn't a week that goes by that I don't hear about someones marriage suffering the wreakage of some kind of infidelity. Seriously, we've got to get a hold of this.

Its wise for both men and women to think through appropriate boundaries with the opposite sex.  Most affairs don't occur because someone made a conscious decision to be unfaithful to their spouse but because they made a hundred tiny "harmless" decisions that led closer and closer to the "line" of infidelity. 

 

 

So if we are going to be wise and proactive in protecting our marriages we need to think through what appriopriate boundaries look like for us based on our lifestyle, our personal temptations and our spouses comfort level. 

We cant control every circumstance but there are quite a few that we can control. 

The Bible tells us to "flee immorality" (1 Cor 6:18). Sometimes we just have to run from opportunities. 

Here are a few guidelines that we practice, these are examples of the kinds of things that may be helpful in safeguarding our marriages:

1) Don't do anything alone with another woman that is not your wife or relative. This includes riding in a car, going out to eat, catching a movie, going for a walk, etc.

2) Allow your spouse to have full access to all of our technology: cell phone, laptop, iPad, computer, you name it. (except for #3)

3) Guys, I have Lori pick the password to the home computers and I make sure she doesn't give them to me.  This is a safeguard for me to protect against any inappropriate usage. 

4) Never meet with a woman in a room without a window.

5) Share accounts. Both parties should have access to the credit card statements, checking accounts, cell phone bills, etc. This is pursuing full transparency in our lives and in our relationship. It's all part of being "one".

These are just a few to get you thinking.  Every marriage has unique circumstances that will need some unique safeguards.

Man, this is so true in marriage...

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

"Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage."                  Hebrews 13:4a

Ryan

A Practice that Continues to Change Our Home

A handful of years ago Lori and I noticed something about the culture of our home. 

We started to notice a trend that was becoming consistent. We were trending toward discontentment and looking to the next "thing".  Whether it was finishing a degree, having a baby, moving, knocking out the next house project or buying something that we wanted.

We noticed that this discontent was affecting the culture and tone of our household.

We decided to try an experiment. 
We were going to begin thanking God for everything in our lives.  Whether it was big or small, material or relational, even if it was a trial, we were going to give thanks for it. 
And we were going to do this on a regular basis.

As we set out to try this, we noticed that we were growing more and more grateful. This gratitude started to show up in our attitude toward our belongings and in our relationships.  It helped us to be content with the pace of pursuit of "next things" which Lori and I both struggle with. 

The practice of giving thanks is transforming. 

We are still growing in this area.  However, out of sheer practice, it's starting to get easier to trust that what we have is from God's hand... including relationships, material goods and place in life.

This practice makes life a whole lot more enjoyable. 
It's fun to be in awe over what God has done for us. It actually creates joy in us.
It makes sense why this would be a part of God's will. 
Check out this verse:

 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

             1 Thessalonians 5:18

I highly recommend this practice.  I know I'm thankful for it. :)

Ryan

Forgiveness Matters

Extending forgiveness to people that have hurt us has to be one of the most difficult things that we do.

The starting point is hard enough: admitting that someone actually hurt us. 
We tend to have a "it's no big deal" approach to things that hurt us.  We try to deal with conflict and pain by telling ourselves that "that shouldn't hurt".  The problem with this approach is that it typically doesn't work. 

Then once weve admitted that we are actually hurt the opposite extreme becomes a temptation.  We can lock on to the victim mentality and live there for a long time.  Our pain then becomes the reason why we can't move forward in life.  It becomes the reason that we got "stuck" in our growth. 

The only place of freedom is in admitting that we have been hurt and then moving to forgive the person who has hurt us.  This can be profoundly difficult especially if the offense is a deep one. 

The only way that this makes sense to me is when I am concious of how much God has forgiven me.  I have to remember that God has forgiven me for being a selfish, rebellious, judgmental, prideful and ungodly person.  I have offended a perfect and holy God.  Once I have this in mind, I am in a place where I can extend forgiveness to another imperfect person who is just like me. 

When we withhold forgiveness it slowly creates a bitterness that turns into anger.  This bitterness and anger begin to affect our hearts, they harden us and they shrink our ability to love.  Sarcasm and cynicism replace sincerity and joy.  We begin to morph into a version of ourselves that we can't stand. 

When we extend forgiveness our capacity to love and to care is enlarged.  Joy and sincerity begin to be restored.  We start moving toward the version of ourselves that we know we're made to be.

Forgiveness is good for us.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Ephesians 4:32

Ryan