A Great Lesson I Learned From My Parents

We were sitting at a table eating lunch at a restaurant on Portage Lakes when my mom and my stepdad told me that they were thinking about moving to another city.

I was 10.

They made a pro's and con's list with me and helped me to process through the decision.  We talked about everything...  They helped me to think through what it would mean to change school's, homes, neighborhoods and friends. 

For an adult, a move and a few changes is not that big of a deal.  For a 10 year old kid, it's practically the end of the world. 

The way they handled that situation taught me a ton. 

1) They put themselves in my shoes and recognized that this was going to have a big impact on me.

2) They cared about my ownership of the decision.

3) They chose to lead me through a discovery process that helped me to have confidence and excitement for, what would normally be, a pretty scary decision.  

They could have just told me what was going to happen.
They could have demanded that I accept the decision. 

Instead, they stopped to listen to me and help me process through it.

This simple conversation taught me a lot about how to communicate and help those closest to me process through changes. Thanks for the education, Mom & Dad!

Ryan

A Few Ways to Protect Our Marriages

There isn't a week that goes by that I don't hear about someones marriage suffering the wreakage of some kind of infidelity. Seriously, we've got to get a hold of this.

Its wise for both men and women to think through appropriate boundaries with the opposite sex.  Most affairs don't occur because someone made a conscious decision to be unfaithful to their spouse but because they made a hundred tiny "harmless" decisions that led closer and closer to the "line" of infidelity. 

 

 

So if we are going to be wise and proactive in protecting our marriages we need to think through what appriopriate boundaries look like for us based on our lifestyle, our personal temptations and our spouses comfort level. 

We cant control every circumstance but there are quite a few that we can control. 

The Bible tells us to "flee immorality" (1 Cor 6:18). Sometimes we just have to run from opportunities. 

Here are a few guidelines that we practice, these are examples of the kinds of things that may be helpful in safeguarding our marriages:

1) Don't do anything alone with another woman that is not your wife or relative. This includes riding in a car, going out to eat, catching a movie, going for a walk, etc.

2) Allow your spouse to have full access to all of our technology: cell phone, laptop, iPad, computer, you name it. (except for #3)

3) Guys, I have Lori pick the password to the home computers and I make sure she doesn't give them to me.  This is a safeguard for me to protect against any inappropriate usage. 

4) Never meet with a woman in a room without a window.

5) Share accounts. Both parties should have access to the credit card statements, checking accounts, cell phone bills, etc. This is pursuing full transparency in our lives and in our relationship. It's all part of being "one".

These are just a few to get you thinking.  Every marriage has unique circumstances that will need some unique safeguards.

Man, this is so true in marriage...

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

"Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage."                  Hebrews 13:4a

Ryan

A Practice that Continues to Change Our Home

A handful of years ago Lori and I noticed something about the culture of our home. 

We started to notice a trend that was becoming consistent. We were trending toward discontentment and looking to the next "thing".  Whether it was finishing a degree, having a baby, moving, knocking out the next house project or buying something that we wanted.

We noticed that this discontent was affecting the culture and tone of our household.

We decided to try an experiment. 
We were going to begin thanking God for everything in our lives.  Whether it was big or small, material or relational, even if it was a trial, we were going to give thanks for it. 
And we were going to do this on a regular basis.

As we set out to try this, we noticed that we were growing more and more grateful. This gratitude started to show up in our attitude toward our belongings and in our relationships.  It helped us to be content with the pace of pursuit of "next things" which Lori and I both struggle with. 

The practice of giving thanks is transforming. 

We are still growing in this area.  However, out of sheer practice, it's starting to get easier to trust that what we have is from God's hand... including relationships, material goods and place in life.

This practice makes life a whole lot more enjoyable. 
It's fun to be in awe over what God has done for us. It actually creates joy in us.
It makes sense why this would be a part of God's will. 
Check out this verse:

 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

             1 Thessalonians 5:18

I highly recommend this practice.  I know I'm thankful for it. :)

Ryan

Forgiveness Matters

Extending forgiveness to people that have hurt us has to be one of the most difficult things that we do.

The starting point is hard enough: admitting that someone actually hurt us. 
We tend to have a "it's no big deal" approach to things that hurt us.  We try to deal with conflict and pain by telling ourselves that "that shouldn't hurt".  The problem with this approach is that it typically doesn't work. 

Then once weve admitted that we are actually hurt the opposite extreme becomes a temptation.  We can lock on to the victim mentality and live there for a long time.  Our pain then becomes the reason why we can't move forward in life.  It becomes the reason that we got "stuck" in our growth. 

The only place of freedom is in admitting that we have been hurt and then moving to forgive the person who has hurt us.  This can be profoundly difficult especially if the offense is a deep one. 

The only way that this makes sense to me is when I am concious of how much God has forgiven me.  I have to remember that God has forgiven me for being a selfish, rebellious, judgmental, prideful and ungodly person.  I have offended a perfect and holy God.  Once I have this in mind, I am in a place where I can extend forgiveness to another imperfect person who is just like me. 

When we withhold forgiveness it slowly creates a bitterness that turns into anger.  This bitterness and anger begin to affect our hearts, they harden us and they shrink our ability to love.  Sarcasm and cynicism replace sincerity and joy.  We begin to morph into a version of ourselves that we can't stand. 

When we extend forgiveness our capacity to love and to care is enlarged.  Joy and sincerity begin to be restored.  We start moving toward the version of ourselves that we know we're made to be.

Forgiveness is good for us.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Ephesians 4:32

Ryan 

One Month Down. Fighting to Stay on Track.

5 Things to keep in focus in 2012:  

1) Fighting to keep our vision in focus matters a lot.


Some really smart guy said "Vision leaks" (I think it was Andy Stanley).  It's the idea that we slowly forget what we set out for. So we have to keep remembering and having this vision poured back into us so we can readjust our sights on the right things. These were some questions that we looked at earlier...


What could God do in our lives in the next 365 days? If we were to become more like Jesus in the next year what would that look like? Let's use our imaginations. 2 Peter 1:5-7 is a great place to look to see some areas of growth.


2) If we want some things in our lives to change they have to be changed on purpose...and that's usually hard.


This one just takes a level of brutality.  Starting new healthy habits is just plain hard and usually painful.  But the fruit of it is sooo worth it.  
Questions I'm asking myself are..

• Are my habits sticking?
• Am I remembering WHY I needed these habits?
• Am I gaining or losing momentum right now with my habits?

3) Making good decisions everyday gives us momentum.  
My everyday decisions certainly haven't been perfect but I am definitely thankful to have some momentum.  I love living with momentum.  There is something that happens when we see God change us in small ways.  It builds our faith to see Him change us in bigger ways as we move forward.  

4) If we're going to focus on the things that matter we have to limit distractions.


I've been struggling with this one.  How about you?
I need to make more of a concious effort to "unplug". 

There are plenty of good things to do in life.

However, I think this statement puts good into perspective...
"Good is the enemy of great." - Jim Collins

5) This year will go faster than we think!


I am feeling this... the first month is already gone!!


This is a great time to reevaluate and touch base on where we need to be for the year.


Ryan

Pseudo-love

The definition of love is shifting.


Calling something wrong is now the only thing that's really wrong.
Accountability is judgmental.
Discipline is mean.

Unconditional acceptance with no mention of the harm that we do to ourselves is the new definition of love. 

This is not love.
This is actually more like hate.

The Bible shows us that this kind of love is a big part of how God loves us.
God disciplines us. He teaches us. He prunes us. He molds us.

All of those things have to do with us changing. 

God cares about us enough not to let us stay the same.  That is love.

Love sacrifices. Love suffers. It gives itself away.
Love bears burdens, speaks truth and faces reality.

It's not that there isn't genuine affection or warmth to love.  It's not that acceptance isn't a part of love.  Those are all very real aspects.

Love wants whats best for us according to God's definition of best. To move away from God's best is to move toward death.

The new definition of love is selfish, the "new love" says... "I don't care enough about you to be uncomfortable or to allow you to hurt me in my efforts to help.  I don't care enough about you to risk offending you. Oh, and by the way, please stay out of my business as well."

This love basically says, "live and let die" (thanks Axle... opps, I mean Paul MacCartney)...then again, maybe it's not that new afterall.

This pseudo-love must be universally rejected or it will erode our lives, our marriages, friendships and ultimately our society.

I am so thankful to have people in my life that love me enough to accept and yet still challenge me to grow.  Sometimes it's hard to be loved...but love helps me be who I'm made to be.  

For a starting place on real love, check out 1 Corinthians 13, Hebrew 3:12-15 & 12:4-12

Ryan

Unwarping Jesus

Seriously....we have warped Jesus.

Our most common pictures of Him are as a baby, on a cross, holding a lamb or looking like this ridiculous picture to the right.

Of course, He was a baby and He did die on a cross. But those events need to be seen in a bigger context.
We often fail to see who Jesus is and who He will be for eternity.

He is Absolute Royalty. 
He rules over a kingdom of kings. 
He is without question the most powerful person in existence.

No president, ruler, emperor, tyrant, CEO, celebrity or historical icon even compares to the power and authority that Jesus has and will have.

Still, in our culture, the main impression that we have of Christ is that He was a weak person that got beat up and killed.

But can you imagine the strength it would take for the most powerful person that lives to choose to lower Himself to the point of becoming a baby... to become the very thing He created....to learn how to walk and talk and to be raised by parents.... to allow Himself to be killed when He had the power to stop it... It's borderline ridiculous. 
It makes me ask "why would He do that?"

These are some of the things that inspire me to follow Christ.

He IS King and His kingdom will be fully realized in the future.  What makes Him so amazing isn't necessarily His unlimited power or His universal dominion over everything... it's that He would be willing to lay it all aside out of love for us.
That is a picture of strength.

That is one of the reasons that I appreciated movie The Passion of the Christ so much.
It captured some of His strength, determination and resolve.

Jesus is a lot of things but a pansy He is not.

I hope wherever we stand with Jesus we can at least have an accurate picture of who He is.

Check out Revelation chapter 1 & Philippians chapter 2 for more details about who Christ really is.

Ryan